When he returned to his room after Rachel’s acceptance, Jesse emailed the school administration to let them know that he’d made Rachel an offer. While waiting for a reply, he retrieved the key to the adjoining room that would belong to her. He’d been in there only once since moving out of his old accommodation and into this senior suite. Now he unlocked the door adjoining the shared bathroom, to make sure the room was still in order. Sure enough, it looked much the same as his, albeit stark and empty. Jesse had only half-unpacked his own belongings, but it was amazing what difference a few posters and photographs made.
Jesse relocked the door and slipped the key into his pocket. He’d had the key copied, since he was planning to give Rachel a key to her door but didn’t want her to have the power to lock him out. Back at his computer screen, there was an unread email from the school admin. As well as confirming Rachel’s acceptance of his offer, the secretary had emailed him her school timetable, which he printed out and pinned up on his bulletin board, which also served as a calendar. He would need to clear some space on it if he was going to fit all Rachel’s schedules and commitments on there as well as his own. Jesse began to take down some of last years additions, old flyers and outdated rehearsal schedules, until the knock on the door interrupted him.
“Good afternoon, Rachel,” he greeted her, then glanced past her at the darkening sky. “Or evening.” He gestured for her to come in, raising an eyebrow at the two cases she had with her. It seemed she’d packed lightly. “I assume the Housing Secretary explained that you’ll be living with me from now on? Your room is adjoining; you’ll find it if you go through the bathroom. Put your cases in there and then come back here so we can go through a few of the rules.” He handed her the key to her door - the spare was safe with the rest of his keys. ”Here, you can have a copy for now… provided you don’t abuse the privilege.”
“Hello, Jesse” she replied with a smile, stepping into the room and looking around. By the bed and half-unpacked boxes, Rachel quickly understood this first room was his bedroom. She temporarily put down one of her suitcases to take the key from Jesse, furrowing her brows in confusion at Jesse’s comment - threat? - regarding it. Privilege? “We’re sharing a suite, but my room is my room and I have every right to my own key,” she remarked, mostly just to test Jesse’s words, before going through the only other door in the room and finding the bathroom - the bathroom which she would be sharing with him. Her fathers most definitely wouldn’t approve.
Rachel then stepped through the next door into the next room. The first thing she noticed was there was no way out except back through the bathroom, and everything the Headmistress had said at the assembly ran through her mind. She had gotten that the administration really liked to empower the upperclass students, but hadn’t expected it to be so over-the-top in merely the living set-up. The room was a nice size though, and she couldn’t wait to decorate, so she set down her two cases before going back into Jesse’s room. “I know you want to go over your… rules…” Rachel wasn’t sure what to expect about those, but hoped Jesse understood what she said earlier about not needing (or wanting) anyone controlling her life. “…but first I have a lot more suitcases and boxes still in my old room. Can you help?” She asked, lingering at the door.
Ever since arriving at Sylvester, nothing had gone according to Rachel’s plans. She hadn’t planned on ever accepting a junior’s offer, but the week wasn’t even over and she had just accepted an offer from Jesse St. James. After doing so, she promptly reported her acceptance to administration. They in turn informed Rachel that her permanent housing would be in Jesse’s suite. Our suite, Rachel thought, but was guessing the Housing Secretary couldn’t care less what Rachel thought. Rachel felt a flurry of internal panic upon learning that not-so-little detail, but jotted down the room number and headed back to her temporary housing to start gathering her things. Her fathers would adamantly protest her living quarters being so close and connected to those of a boy. Rachel herself wasn’t entirely sure of the idea, but didn’t miss the fact that such living conditions would only offer her a higher standard of safety than she initially expected. And, it would allow for even more time for her to spend with Jesse. She would truly have his attention quite often.
With those thoughts more settled in her head, Rachel picked a few suitcases for her first trip to the suite - she would need to take several trips as she had had her fathers to help her initially move in - and made way to the dorm building. Once she found the room number she had been given, Rachel knocked on the door. Only then did she realise she was never given a key to the suite. That was strange, and Rachel wondered if the Housing Secretary simply forgot to give her one, or if Jesse already had her key.
Rachel,
First. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know that you owe me nothing, not even that much time. I also know that an apology can never be on the terms of the person apologizing, but instead lies with the person who has been wronged. I wronged you Rachel. I never should have done what I did to you. It was demeaning and cruel and dirty and underhanded. I cannot say I am sorry enough. I take personal responsibility for what I did. Not because I feel bad, but because I made YOU feel bad, and people should be lifting you up, not dragging you down. I made a mistake.
I know it doesn’t take anything away and I can’t give back what I took from you, things like pride and dignity and confidence are not tangible things that can be traded. Instead they grow over time. What I would like (and I realize this is no consolation) is to trade some of that back to you in the form of justice. I will happily accept the punishment of choice from your new mentor (should you chose one) with no regrets and on your behalf. I can never really make up for hurting your feelings Rachel, nor do I expect you to accept my apology. I hope one day you can come to terms and forgive me. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Sebastian Van Horn
Sebastian,
While I was not expecting to receive an apology from you, I am pleasantly surprised that you have stepped up and owned responsibility for your wrongdoing. I forgive you, and bear you no ill-will. However, do not mistake my acceptance of your apology as permission to ever come near me again.
Sincerely,
Rachel Barbra Berry ★
Jesse immediately frowned: the only part of that he paid attention to was the part where Rachel said she’d already had an offer. From who? But he kept his tone cool, not rising to Rachel’s easy temper. “Yes, actually. That is what we’re supposed to do. It’s what my Mentor always did for me.” Sara had been unforgiving and his freshman and sophomore years had been hard, but he wouldn’t class anything she’d done to him as abuse. In hindsight it was easy to see that he’d benefited from the system and the discipline. “If you end up with some Computer Art recluse who abuses you, obviously that’s… not ideal. But most of us aren’t like that.”
“You may think you don’t,” he continued dismissively. “No offence, but you’re an arrogant freshman. Perhaps more deservedly so than most, but you don’t know what you’re dealing with nonetheless. It’s fine, all of us here have been there.” Oh wait, still there. Heh. “Even if you think you can deal with everything else at the Academy, it’s clear that you can’t deal with the other juniors. So before you get allocated to some bottomfeeder who won’t understand your dreams, ally yourself with someone who can.” He leant forward slightly. “Me, for example.” His voice raised at the end slightly, making the statement into a query, but although Jesse’s voice was casually polite he was as usual supremely confident in his own power and appeal.
Rachel crossed her arms defiantly when Jesse dismissed her as an arrogant freshman, but listened intently as he went on, giving her a little credit and then speaking of her dreams. Her heart stopped a little when Jesse suggested she ally with him. He, star of the musical theatre department, wanted her as his pupil? Why shouldn’t he? Rachel reminded herself. She had just given the best performance among the other musical theatre freshman, and if Rachel wanted a talented pupil, she would pick herself. However, she had the feeling Jesse could have almost any freshman he wanted by simply running his hand through his gorgeous curls while announcing he still needed a pupil, and there was a handful of pretty blondes in the department that were more than averagely talented. “You want to be my mentor?” She asked just to be sure as her arms dropped to her sides.
With her confidence regarding the protest fading, Rachel knew she had to go a different way if she wanted to stay at the school. No other ideas came to mind, and she realised that maybe she did have to give into the system - a little, at least. So, if she was going to have a Mentor, she wanted say in who it was, and she wanted the best. From everyone she had met so far, Jesse appeared the best, but she was still wary of trusting him or any other junior. The thing was though, she wanted to trust him. She wanted to stay at Sylvester and Jesse would most likely be the best connection she ever made. “I think such an arrangement would be beneficial to my safety and also to the department. It’s only right the best performers connect.” Rachel imagined it was expected from everyone else in the department, after she did well in front of all the musical theatre professors and upperclass students. She didn’t mind at all the idea of spending a lot of time with Jesse, as long as he truly wasn’t like Sebastian or some of the other juniors who had bugged her. “But I meant what I said. I don’t need someone controlling my life.” She wanted Jesse to be an important part of her life, but not in charge of it.
These kind of people. Everything else. Jesse frowned as she turned away from him, wondering if a senior had somehow spooked the freshman. There had been a lot of banter and pranks flying around over the past few days, some more harmless than others… but he wasn’t allowed to get protective. Rachel was fair game until someone claimed her. He thought he saw her shoulders shake slightly, and touched her arm lightly, trying to make her look at him. His voice softened a little. “The first week is tough. Is everything okay?”
She seemed to be ignoring him. “Look, you have potential. Do you have any idea how few freshmen could make a room sit up and listen the way you did just now?” Jesse raised his eyebrows to emphasise his point. “Not that your performance was by any means flawless. But Sylvester Academy is the place to give your performance the polish it needs. You say you can handle everything else. You just need… a Mentor. Someone with authority to watch out for you.” Like me, Jesse thought with increasing self-assurance. ”Don’t waste this opportunity just because you’re having a hard time, because you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.” He was already wondering if he was wasting his time. Rachel would have to be a lot more hardheaded than this to make it in ‘the industry’ - if some little prank like this made her start having second thoughts… she is only fourteen, he reminded himself. Why was he so opposed to the idea of Rachel dropping out? Sure, it was rare, but talented students did leave the Academy from time to time, and it was usually for the best - they couldn’t hack it.
By coming closer rather than leaving, Jesse was doing the exact opposite of what Rachel wanted him to do. She tensed when he touched her arm, her mind flashing back to her encounter with Sebastian, but his touch went no further and he inquired if everything was okay, his voice sounding to Rachel like he truly cared. She didn’t say anything in reply right away, but instead took a deep calming breath and wiped away the tears she didn’t want Jesse to see.
She pulled herself even more together as Jesse referred to her audition, pointing out how she had affected the room. But when he spoke of mentors, Rachel quickly whipped around and faced the junior. “Is that what mentors are supposed to do?” She demanded. “Watch out for their…” Rachel wasn’t exactly sure how to refer to claimed freshmen. She still didn’t have a full grasp of the whole system. “…pupils?” Wasn’t that what someone had said? “Because I had one offer and that certainly was not the vibe I was getting from him.” Her tone was laced with anger, now trying to cover up the overwhelming vulnerable feeling Rachel had been plagued with ever since her encounter with Sebastian. “You make it sound like the mentors care about us. All I heard at the assembly was you upperclass students get one of us to… own…” She made a face as the word slipped from her tongue. “…and boss around. I can handle everything else,” she repeated. “I don’t want or need someone else controlling my life.” She did want protection, but she didn’t want to have to “obey” someone in the ways the Headmistress insinuated.
One of the junior’s, they- they pinned me down and forced themselves on me. I tried to pull away, I tried to say no but I couldn’t do anything. I just screamed and cried and he just…laughed.
If Blaine hadn’t found me in time, he would have…he would have..
I just don’t want to ever leave this room.
Oh my God, Kurt, I’m sorry. Was it Sebastian? He assaulted me too and stole my underwear! He stopped, well, he let me stop him, but… I don’t understand why it has to be like this here.
I can’t, I just can’t do it. I’m sorry, I just- I don’t want to go out again. Not ever.
Kurt? What’s wrong!? What happened?
Are you okay?
Why would you care? It seems like Sebastian is your friend.
talke to me Blaine. What’s going on.
Now I knew there were weird people around but I had no clue what sick, perverted bastards there were.
So there are others like Sebastian at this school…
Rachel looked a little shaken by his sudden appearance. Jesse realised that perhaps he should have said hello first. All the same, her compliments were flattering and he affected (unsuccessfully) to look modest. “Well, your hometown team shouldn’t feel too bad. This year will be our third consecutive National championship.” They’d won for both the years Jesse had been a member of the team - but he thought mentioning that might sound presumptuous. “You should think about auditioning. Competing in showchoir is one of the best ways to get your name out there when you’re still in high school, and there are talent scouts at all the national competitions. Solos don’t generally go to freshmen and you don’t strike me as someone who enjoys being stuck in the back, but being part of an ensemble is actually good for discipline - and the choreography will keep you in better shape than some of the dance majors.”
He’d been flicking through the ‘L’ folder as he spoke, and raised an eyebrow when he caught sight of the book in her hands. Yep, it was his copy - the margins and occasionally the score itself were scribbled with familiar pencil annotations. Arranging new piano accompaniments, duets, ensemble pieces… ”That’s not actually department property. I left it here over the summer… there’s another copy around here somewhere.” He didn’t take it out of her hands, but glanced over her shoulder at the page she was currently on. Wondering if she’d care to work on a duet with him sometime…
Before Jesse could propose it, however, Rachel’s second question made him look up at her. He frowned a little. Sure, he knew she and a few other freshman weren’t happy at finding out about the Mentor system and some had even been planning a protest, but Rachel sounded like she was genuinely unhappy here. He frowned at her for a moment, wondering if some of the seniors had been giving her trouble. Not all of the freshmen were accustomed to the Academy sense of humor, he’d learned while talking to that blond kid, Tennessee. “If it wasn’t worth it,” he said slowly, “would I be here right now?” His thoughts momentarily went to his sister as an example. She would have been a sophomore this year. “It doesn’t work out for everyone,” he admitted. “But you’d be surprised how few freshmen quit and how many end up the better for being at a school like this. You’re not thinking about leaving, are you?”
Jesse leaned back against the piano, waiting for an answer intently. The back of his mind was already preparing arguments to talk her out of it, which was foolish of him. Rachel wasn’t his to advise, and Jesse didn’t know that much about her except that she was exceptional. Often people with that kind of ability got pushed into schools like this. The idea disappointed him - Rachel reminded Jesse of himself in a lot of ways, and he badly wanted her to be his. He knew she could complement him well. But if you wanted to really make it to the bright lights that Sylvester Academy prepared its pupils for, Jesse knew you had to want it - you needed drive, ambition, and that wasn’t something he could give her if she wasn’t prepared to stick it out.
Excitement bubbled up in Rachel as Jesse went on about how Sylvester’s show choir not only made it to Nationals, but had won multiple times. Back home, it seemed like the high school show choir hadn’t made it past sectionals in years. “Oh, I’ll definitely be auditioning!” Even though she knew, like Jesse said, it was unlikely she would be given any solos (only by the excuse of her underclassmen status, Rachel thought), she was dying to be part of a show choir that really made it far. “I’m auditioning for everything!” Sylvester had its show choir, but also put on several musicals and plays throughout the years. Rachel had her sights set on the musicals especially. “And,” she dared to add, a smile of her face, “maybe I’ll be the exception to the generality of no solos for freshmen.”
As Jesse started to answer her, starting off with a question of his own, Rachel hung onto every word. His first point was solid, Rachel thought. Although she was only going off one performance, he had the talent to be at any arts high school in the country. “Oh, no!” She countered quickly, realising she was making herself look bad. She believed she deserved the opportunity and but wanted to justify her acceptance to the school. “I want to be here,” she insisted passionately. “I petitioned for months to come, but… it’s not like I thought it would be,” she tried to explain, her emotions quickly surfacing and her last words came out quietly. Rachel glanced away from Jesse and back down at the songbook in her hand, swallowing thickly. She had to keep herself together. First impressions were really important, and she wanted to make a good one on Jesse, but felt like she was falling apart when she thought about what happened, and it was impossible to not think of it.
“The school is almost perfect,” she continued, once she felt safe to go on. “I love the musical theatre department and know it is the perfect place to hone my talents, but-” She broke herself off again. Maybe she should come up with an excuse to leave the room, and try getting to know Jesse at some later time? But, she had to figure out what she was doing soon. “I don’t know if I want to spend the next four years with these kind of people,” she tried to explain, but then regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. “No, I mean. Not you!” Well, for all she knew, Jesse could be just like Sebastian, but it wasn’t fair to assume so. “I came here because I knew I would be among others almost as talented and ambitious as myself,” she tried to fix, turning to look at Jesse again. She let out a sigh. “I want to be here, but I don’t know if I… can handle it,” she admitted, then biting down on her lip harshly to keep away tears. “I don’t mean the academics. I can handle the workload well, and I know I’ll excel musically, but… everything else.” Rachel had no idea how to explain without talking about what happened with Sebastian, and that she didn’t even know how to talk about. She just needed the encounter erased from her mind.
She completely hated herself right now for failing at her first impression on someone who could be one of her most important connections at the school, and that only added to Rachel’s instability and she felt tears welling up in her eyes. “Here,” she said quietly, handing Jesse his songbook, before quickly turning back to the boxes of sheet music. With her back to Jesse, she let some of her tears fall, and she silently hoped he would leave. If she dared to talk another minute, surely she would fall apart. She had done well with her audition minutes ago, but couldn’t even pull together a simple act of stability while talking to the star of the department. Hopefully she just needed space and time, and then everything would be okay and she could figure out what she was doing before the week was over.
